YOUR POTENTIAL MATE MUST BE BORN AGAIN—

Why is this important? I think this is clear when we look at 1 John 2: the person who has not been made born again yet is still attached to this world system and in v. 15-16, John warns “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.” These 3 worldly characteristics John lists here are responsible for the demise countless marriages! In fact, you take a look at the root cause of any marriage that have experienced extremely turmoil of that actually failed and you will find one of these issues!

I’m not saying these things don’t happen in marriages between born again believers, they do happen, what I’m saying is that the Christian is more likely to try and work it out because a) they can go back to the Lord for help, and b) they want to make things right because they want to honor the Lord! If your potential mate has not been made born again, the potential for irreversible turmoil or for failure is far greater. Or, if you are unequally yoke and you don’t want your marriage to dissolve, you may find that you end up compromising yourself.

You need to understand this: no matter how cute he looks, no matter how smart she is, or how sexy she walks, no matter how smart he is or how rich and famous he is, if this person is not saved, this is not the way for you to go!

Let me give you one reason and one great warning why I caution you about this:

1. You and the potential mate who is unsaved do not have the same mind! You do not bow or serve the same master! The Bible explains this very clearly in Romans 8:1… There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. But the person who is not in Christ is condemned already because he/she does not believe in the One whom God sent to be the Savior of the world (John 3:18).

There are lots of contrasts between your life and the life of a mate who is not saved. For instance, Romans 8: 5-8… For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

Let me break this down for you:

• The potential mate who is not a follower of Jesus live according to the flesh, but you live according to the Spirit. I. e. this person is being led by this world system and the god of this world, while you are being led by the Spirit of God, who live inside you and who continues to fashion you into the likeness of the Son of God.
• The mind of the unsaved potential mate is set on the things of the flesh… their desire is to gratify the flesh and to submit to this world system, but your mind is set on the things of the Spirit! You are not compatible with a made who has not been made born again by the Spirit of God!
• You enjoy life and peace because you set your mind on the things of the Spirit, but the unsaved potential mate’s mind that is set on the flesh is death.
• The mind of the unsaved potential mate is hostile to God because it does not and cannot submit to God’s law because they are programmed to obey the law of this world system and the god of this world. You, however, because you are in Christ, God has reconciled you onto Himself (2 Cor. 5:18).
• Romans 8:8 states the contrast between you and that unregenerated person bluntly: those who are in the flesh cannot please God. If the person is still in the flesh, they are not interested in pleasing God and if you, who are interested in pleasing God, is in a marriage relationship with that person, there’s going to be lots of friction and heartache!

You remember I said I’d give you one reason and one great warning why you should definitely not entertain marrying someone who has not been born again? Well, here’s the great warning and it brings us to the next point:

“Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Romans 8:5-8).

YOUR POTENTIAL MATE MUST BE A FOLLOWER OF JESUS

2 Corinthians 6:14… Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers! What does this even mean? What is a yoke? It is an important concept or metaphor because even Jesus talked about it and talked about being set free from it. Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). In other words, jesus is saying here that a yoke is a heavy burden, it can weigh you down, and perhaps even destroy you physically. He invites us to be yoked together with Him instead. In doing so, He will lighten up our burdens and give us rest.

As a follower of Jesus, you are yoked together with Jesus and so you cannot be yoke together with someone who is yoke together with a different leader!

I like the way this person explains what being unequally yoked with unbelievers mean [keep in mind that this Scripture is not primarily talking about marriage relationships, but business dealings] — to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, then, is to be in a situation or relationship that binds you to the decisions and actions of people who have values and purposes incompatible with Jesus’ values and purposes.

The warning here is this: when we allow ourselves to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, we are more likely to compromise ourselves and begin to do things their way—they will not aspire to do things that please the Lord! In fact, they will expect you to compromise in order to get along! This is the case in business dealings and in marriages!

But listen to how Paul gives us even more context to this… 2 Cor. 6:14-16a… Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. And then he poses 5 questions to help drive the point home… 1) For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? 2) Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 3) 15 What accord has Christ with Belial Or 4) what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 5) 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? Here’s the thing: marriage is a partnership between a male and a female and for that partnership to function the way god intended, the two must be spiritually compatible. Remember what God said in Genesis 2: I will make a companion suitable for him [Adam]. God has a companion suitable for you and you need to follow where the Lord is leading you and not what your heart is telling you!

Ladies, your potential mate must be able to help you grow closer to Jesus, not take you away from Him! Do you see evidence that this person is submissive to the Lord? Is he/she obedient to what the Word of God says?

Listen to the way Paul puts this in v. 15: What accord has Christ with Belial Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? That word BELIAL is a Hebrew word “used to portray or describe the wicked or worthless”, it literally means without worth or value! An important word in this statement is the word ACCORD… some synonyms of this word include agreement, harmony, settlement, treaty, pact, etc. There is no harmony between Jesus and wickedness and if you are in Christ, you are yoked together with Him and cannot be yoked together with the wicked.

And so, you and I cannot be yoked with unbelievers in partnerships that are likely to cause us to compromise our faith. Marriage is the biggest of these!

This is why it is important  to make sure, point #3, that

YOUR POTENTIAL MATE MUST BE SUBMISSIVE TO THE WILL OF GOD – If your mate does not have a relationship with God, meaning if he/she does not fear God, then he/she will not submit to God! In fact, we learned from Romans 8 that that person cannot submit to God because it is not part of who they are!

Now, you and I both know that that word SUBMISSIVE is like a profane word in our society… it goes against what our society teaches! The English word “submit” actually comes from a Latin root which means “to let down, reduce, or yield.” In other words, it is submitting does not imply that you are weak, it is a choice you make to withhold! Take for example when we’re driving on the highway, YIELD signs are everywhere, but yet a lot of accidents happen because we refuse to yield to one another! Because of pride, we feel that yielding to another driver is a sign of weakness! For example, say you’re driving in the slow lane on the highway and someone else is trying to merge onto the highway, that person is supposed to yield to you, but often time they don’t. How do we typically respond? We typically respond by keeping our course and not yielding to them by changing our speed or direction because we feel we have the right of way!

Jesus says it is important for us to be meek and He modeled it for us by submitting Himself to the will of the Father, even onto death on the cross! Meekness is not weakness; meekness is power under control! It is choosing to show grace to someone, choosing to allow them to have something that you could easily and rightfully refuse to give them!

Let’s think about this for just a minute, why must we make sure to choose a mate who is submissive to God? Here’s one great reason: someone who is not submissive to God will not understand no cooperate with you to help you be submissive to God!

Let’s go back to Genesis 2 for just a moment: God made the man Adam and then God gave Adam so specific directives, some specific things Adam will have to do. And then God made Adam a helper suitable for him; God made Eve to come alongside of Adam, to complement him, and to partner with him. Adam and Eve were made to live in submission to God’s will and to carry out the purpose for which God had made them!

Here’s where some problems will arise (and I admit, these same problems do arise in marriage between believers too because of the influence of culture):

Ephesians 5:22-24… Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This same message is repeated in 1 Peter 3:1-22, 1 Cor. 11:3, and it all started after the fall and recorded in Genesis 3:16, as part of the consequence package for the woman… “To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

We will address this issue further in one future sermon, as part of this series, but think about submitting to a husband who is not a believer, someone whose spirit is not in tune with God’s Spirit, someone who is living life without Christ: I think it gets a lot more complicated in the home when husband is not submissive to Christ! The Bible says the correct order must be that “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:23), how will this work if the mate you choose is not someone who is submissive to the Lord?

Now men, listen to this: Ephesians 5:26-27… Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. This command becomes a lot more difficult to keep when you are yoked with someone who is not submissive to the will of God! [We will address this in greater detail later on.]

As children of God, we have a duty to live a life that is 100% submitted to the will of God and being married to someone who is not of the same Spirit and of the same mind is going to challenge your ability to do so and is much more likely to cause major issues in your relationship!

The Lord says, “Thou shall have no other gods before me! (Exodus 20:3), being submitted to the Lord means placing nothing and no one above Him! stages.

The Bottom Line

Seek to honor the Lord in your relationship!.

Adopted from a sermon preached by Pastor Prudent